The new Peet's Tower, which would instantly become the world's largest freestanding structure, will consist of a single 193 story Peet's location housing 15 different experiential coffee bars, an olympic sized swimming pool filled with sauvignon blanc, and several floors of affordable housing for the 50,000 Peet's employees needed to staff the building.
Read More“Let’s be honest, their website is gonna have… some bugs,” said Chess, winking as he held up a clamshell VHS of Pixar’s 1998 film, A Bug’s Life in his Northwestern dorm room.
Read MoreThe tank will also sit next to a sprawling prison wall replica filled with fun facts like, "Did you know it takes 25 pounds of concrete to hold a human body underwater for 1 year?"
Read More"As it phased in and out of being a night club, pizzeria, and beer garden, the he neighbors didn't know what was going on exactly. You could see the business was struggling to find itself, really a sad sight,"
Read More“No offense to Brent at all. He did a good job guessing where the doors were going to be, so he should get credit for that," said the train as it started sliding forward out of a perfect complete stop. "But we're just gonna scooch forwards a little bit, just to spice things up."
Read MoreLoganites took to the streets in droves as local bars desperately tried to expedite shipping of Anti-heroes and Lagunitas, but their efforts were in vain. After hours of protests, the residents burned the General Logan Statue with Molotov Bourbon Apple Sangria Cocktails.
Read More“I’d love to say it will be done by 2022, like we’ve said previously," Osman added, "but obviously that was positive thinking. It could be 2032 or 2042 or, more likely, it will last in perpetuity. What’s that phrase, ‘when hell freezes over?' That's probably more accurate.”
Read More“I have stood with my peers for 11 school days, picketing with them and marching for more resources in schools, so I’m glad we have made this progress,” said Campbell. “But I will not stand by as Trevor runs around yelling and screaming and wrecking my damn classroom every morning.”
Read MoreFrom the stained walls, rickety tables, and creepy plaster nativity scene above the bar, everything is carefully arranged to make it look like the kind of place a murderer would hang out. “
Read MoreFurthermore, they’re expecting a downpour of comments that, "it snowed on Halloween two - or no, wait, was it three? - years ago," with a high chance of further anecdotes over the weekend.
Read MoreTouting their new hire’s achievements in sarcasm, profanity, and insults that cut to the bone, the managerial staff at the Wiener’s Circle on Clark Street announced that Frank Stevens, 24, has completed their employee insensitivity training program Tuesday.
Read More"Billy really had to go pee, so we pulled off at the Chicago Avenue exit, directly into Lake Michigan," said Edith Parman, from her room at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. "The car is in the shop and I need surgery, but Billy stopped complaining, and this is better than sitting in traffic."
Read More“We know Chicago is a city of neighborhoods, but trust us, you don’t need to choke on clouds of American Spirit smoke in Wicker or stand nuts-to-butts on the Red Line to experience the city,” the article continued.
Read MoreSources indicate that as the hundreds of thousands of students were driven to Mayor Lightfoot's home early this morning, the Mayor set out several packs of baby carrots and a box of Capri Suns for the arriving youths.
Read MoreSix runners, 3 volunteers, and a rescue team are still unaccounted for.
Read More“The Planetarium will take all arguments that can prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that we live on a circular yet flat-as-a-pancake earth, and we are the human syrup just waiting to brim over the sides. “
Read MoreStylishly rolling into town today in his diamond encrusted tour bus, Chance the Rapper is ready to light up the City with his beats, his bars, and an outspoken pronouncement that he is in fact married now.
Read More“The strings don’t get along with the woodwinds, our lead oboe has become addicted to JUUL and can’t make it halfway through a movement without taking a puff, the french horns are dating and can’t keep their hands off each other, our harpist refuses to put down her Japanese cartoon books,”
Read MoreWhen asked who was paying the rent of the mostly vacant facility near Chicago Ave. and Larrabee St., Magstine shrugged his shoulders and said, “I've been paying rent with vouchers for the Hancock Tower's skydeck for months.”
Read More“We’re disappointed we couldn’t secure the world’s largest island for our country, but Americans should know that the three-bedroom, two-and-a-half bathroom condo we’re getting is just as good.”
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