After Failing to Buy Greenland, Trump Announces Plan to Buy Condo in Lincoln Yards

Photo Credits: Sterling Bay

By: Hirsch Ptyc

CHICAGO- Donald Trump is not giving up. After his efforts to purchase the island of Greenland from Denmark were rebuffed, the White House confirmed today that the President was moving on to his backup plan: buying a condo in the new Lincoln Yards development instead.

“Obviously the President’s preference was to buy the sovereign country of Greenland, but only because the price was slightly lower,” said White House communications director Stephanie Grisham. “We’re disappointed we couldn’t secure the world’s largest island for our country, but Americans should know that the three-bedroom, two-and-a-half bathroom condo we’re getting is just as good.”

A team of analysts from the Department of the Interior descended on the Southport Avenue development to make sure the condominium in question was up to the President’s standards. This included a spot check of lighting fixtures and crown molding, as well as certification that the development was totally unwanted and a waste of taxpayer money. Secretary of the Interior David Bernhardt seemed to think the President would be pleased with the results of the visit.

“This is exactly the kind of purchase President Trump was looking to make. In terms of using taxpayer money poorly, Lincoln Yards beats Greenland by a mile,” said Bernhardt. “When we finally have the keys to the National Condo in hand, we can all be proud Americans again.”

The Prime Minister of Denmark could not be reached for comment, but sent a letter to President Trump offering to let him use Greenland for Chicago's affordable housing program.