"We’ve been taking old IUD’s, cleaning them, and making little shrines with them too. Is it hygienic? No, but neither is eating the Jesus Catholic crackers.”
Read More“It’s like a battle cry for scaring the opposition. ‘Stick up kids? YOU GETTIN’ INTERRUPTED! Looters and thugs? YOU GETTIN’ INTERRUPTED! Muggers and punks? YOU GETTIN’ INTERRUPTED!” Cool, huh? Wish you could hear my keytar. It’s way better with the keytar.”
Read More"After accidentally catching the news on a TV in his Wrigleyville crossfit Gym, Barrett Dentley, 24, learned that Vladimir Putin exists, and immediately determined he could beat the shit out of him."
Read More“We can’t even go through a regular Easter event without translucent Jesuses popping up everywhere. It’s extremely traumatic.”
Read MoreWhen asked how he feels heading into his last game voicing the Hawks, and his first game with pads, Foley responded, "Utterly terrified, I do not want this."
Read More"In an article to be published in the Journal of Astrophysics, a team of researchers at the University of Chicago's Fermi Institute determined that explanations of unaccounted mass in the universe did nothing to increase the likelihood of casual sex."
Read More“The damn thing was drunk, high, and asking the 150 N. Riverside building if it could "borrow $5 for a down-payment on a cheeseburger."
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