Legendary Blackhawks Play-By-Play Man Pat Foley to Suit up for Last Game of Career

By John Mobley

CHICAGO, IL - n a move clearly designed to send fans out on some kind of high note after a dismal season, Chicago Blackhawks GM Kyle Davidson today announced that retiring play-by-play man Pat Foley will suit up for the final home game of the season against the Las Vegas Golden Knights, and play Left Wing.

"We know this season has been hot garbage, and it's terrible that Pat is ending his career on such a bad season, so we at least wanted to give him a chance to go out with some glory," said Davidson in an exclusive with The Machine. "I can't think of a better way to send off the voice of the Hawks than to let someone who has never played a pro-level game in his life skate with a team that's less than 10 years removed from a Stanley Cup championship season."

In preparation for the the game, the team took 3 days off practice so the players could all teach their cherished announcer how to skate.

Adding another challenge to the spectacle is the fact that the team has confirmed Foley will still be required to do play-by-play even while serving on the 3rd line of the offense. They will be outfitting him with a special microphone so that his voice can be beamed throughout Chicago, as he keeps his head on a swivel to avoid getting checked to death by 6"6' Vegas Defenseman Nicholas Hague.

When asked how he feels heading into his last game voicing the Hawks, and his first game with pads, Foley responded, "Utterly terrified, I do not want this."

Foley has reportedly already been locked in as the Blackhawks' "First Star" of the game, regardless of whether he survives.