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The Chicago Machine
Minotaur of Lower Wacker Chased Out of Tunnels by Regular-Sized Rat with Switchblade
LocalMachine StaffJune 5, 2024Liam O'Sullivan
Stolen Second Base Winds up in British Museum
Machine StaffJune 25, 2023
Bridgeport Grandfather Hits GOP Buzzword Bingo While Watching C-SPAN
News In PhotosMachine StaffJune 14, 2023Aaron McDavis
Taylor Swift Concert Last Good Thing that will Happen at Soldier Field
LocalMachine StaffMay 31, 2023ari loundy
John Catanzara Warns Johnson Victory will Lead to Blood on Streets, If He’s Got Something to Say About It

“This chapter has worked diligently to spread our message to the people that a vote for Johnson is a vote for chaos. And I’ll be damned if I look like a liar. All we need is the green light from the rest of the board and then it’s go time, baby.”

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LocalMachine StaffMay 3, 2023Aaron McDavis
Firing Domestic Terrorists Could Lead to Officer Shortage
Machine StaffJanuary 21, 2023
Parents Scared Candy will be Found in Child's Trick or Treat Razor Stash
News In PhotosMachine StaffNovember 1, 2022tanya kornilovich
Parents Warned to Watch out for Halloween Candy Containing Darren Bailey
News In PhotosMachine StaffOctober 29, 2022ari loundy
Anthony McCoolName Expects to Win Judgeship Election by Landslide
News In PhotosMachine StaffOctober 26, 2022ari loundy
Father Pfleger Hastily Marries Lisa Marie Presley
News In PhotosMachine StaffOctober 19, 2022stuart allard
Tyson Takes Corporate Employees to See Sunlight One Last Time Before Slaughterhouse

Citing their rich history of humane slaughterhouses, Tyson wishes to extend that same courtesy to their employees.

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LocalMachine StaffOctober 13, 2022tanya kornilovich
Record Marathon Times Set as Runners Escape Unhinged Navy Pier Ferris Wheel
News In PhotosMachine StaffOctober 11, 2022Jon Tomasic
Woman Celebrates Chicago Marathon by Marathoning Weed Gummies Into Her Mouth
News In PhotosMachine StaffOctober 9, 2022tanya kornilovich
Chicagoans Unready for Karmic Retribution for 70° Day
LocalMachine StaffOctober 5, 2022Ari Loundy
Man from 1947 Celebrates 75th Year of Waiting for CTA Bus
LocalMachine StaffSeptember 30, 2022
DeSantis Tries to Bus Hurricane to Chicago
News In PhotosMachine StaffSeptember 29, 2022Patrick Reilly
Move to Arlington Heights pending Rodgers’ approval
News In PhotosMachine StaffSeptember 20, 2022john mobley
Mitch Trubisky Wins Steelers’ Starting Job, Wears Headband That Reads "Nagy”
News In PhotosMachine StaffSeptember 6, 2022jon tomasic
Spotted Lanternfly Added To Illinois Unwanted Pests List, Deemed "Too Fabulous" By Haters
News In PhotosMachine StaffSeptember 2, 2022adam kaz
Thief 'Too Manly' to steal pink catalytic converter
News In PhotosMachine StaffAugust 31, 2022
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