Lincoln Park Studio Apartment Has Great View of the 1-Bedroom You’d Live in if You’d Gotten that Raise

By Ed Pommelnu

CHICAGO, IL - Last Thursday, turning the plastic wand on your horizontal blinds to illuminate the 175 square foot efficiency you’ve lived in since graduation revealed a beautiful view of the slightly bigger apartment you’d be able to afford if your manager wasn’t such an asshole.

The meager increase in light also managed to reveal how dusty the side of your 18-year old fridge has become since you’ve started working those extra hours to make sure it’s not a total disaster once the morning crew comes in. Something that could be easily avoided if your manager got their head out of their ass and fixed the schedule.

If you go the extra mile and raise the blinds all the way, you can see the rooftop deck and what is probably some sort of party room up there that you’d be able to enjoy with the bonus you would have gotten if your dipshit manager actually paid attention to how much you upsold during restaurant week.

As of press time, the man who’s been living in his car on the corner of Diversey and Sheffield got a pretty good view of your place.