International McDonald's in West Loop Requiring Visitors to Isolate for Two Weeks After Entry

By Megan Rains

CHICAGO, IL - Late last night, the International McDonald’s located in West Loop announced it will require visitors to isolate inside the restaurant for two weeks after entering.

“Our customers love us for our authentic, international experience. We want to keep that as consistent as possible,” said store owner, Marty Jacks. He also informed the Machine that while they will be providing masks and hand sanitizer, he encourages restaurant-goers to bring their own sleeping bags and enough entertainment to last the 14 days.

“We came in from Milwaukee to eat here, so yeah, we’re gonna isolate inside,” said Mary Limpkin, who had already planned a visit to Chicago with her husband and four children when she heard Phase 4 broke. She continued, “We’ve been waiting two years to eat a McNugget from India. The timing finally worked so we’re coming through. I hope we can convince a few more folks to play Bananagrams with us tonight!”

McDonald’s corporate could not be reached for comment, but their stock rose 7% as investors were pleased with their new public health initiatives. Governor JB Pritzker is to be briefed of the new policy this evening.

UPDATE: Pritzker has announced a 2 week vacation, effective immediately.