Jesus: Man Completely Drenched in Sweat from Divvy Biking to Work and Now He Has to Go Home and Change

By Daniel Stillman

CHICAGO, IL - Arriving to Blonk, a technology start-up in 1871, 28-year-old attorney Chris Peterson arrived at the office holding his bike helmet and backpack completely drenched in sweat from his morning Divvy bike commute. Too uncomfortable to sit down and already beginning to stink up the office, Peterson then had to Divvy bike his way all the way back to Wicker Park and change.

“I Divvy bike to work everyday from Wicker Park because I’m trying to avoid public transit until there's a covid vaccine, and other than almost getting hit by a CTA bus or Uber drivers every 30 seconds, it works for me,” said Peterson. “But today, as usual, I arrived at the open floor office soaking wet because I’m an absolute idiot for doing this instead of just taking an Uber, or working from home which I'm allowed and encouraged to do.”

Disgusted and ashamed, Peterson then had to bike the 3 miles back to his gentrified studio in Wicker Park that’s next to a microbrewery to change.

“Yeah, I’m going to go home and change my clothes, but you know I’m going to go to get right back on my Divvy bike to get back to the office,” said Peterson. “It’s the only way to get to work if you live in Wicker Park and you have a sick beard like me. That’s the rules.”

After arriving to the office drenched in sweat the second time around, Blonk announced they’ll no longer be providing Divvy benefits for their employees and says everyone, but especially Peterson, is required to work from home for now on.