Cubs' Ricketts Family to Provide Ivy for Trump's Border Wall

Photo by Keegan Buckingham (ig: @keeganbuckingham)

By: Mitchell Trachtenberg and Hirsch Ptyc

CHICAGO, IL - In an effort to help the president meet his lofty campaign promises, RNC fundraising chair and owner of the Chicago Cubs Todd Ricketts has agreed to provide ivy for Trump's border wall.

“As important as this wall is, it doesn't have to be an eyesore for us on the right side of it, said Ricketts. “When people look at the border wall, I want them to think ‘oh my god immigrants are coming to kill me.’ But after that, I want them to think of the heritage, tradition, and pride of the Chicago Cubs.”

The new border wall will span the entire 2,000 mile length of the US Mexico border, and be made out of fine red brick with beautiful ivy cascading down the America-facing side. However, Ricketts has faced severe criticism from within his own organization.

“I don’t understand why we’re starting construction without plans to include a warning track,” said Cubs centerfielder Albert Almora Jr. “When I’m tracking a flyball across the American West and through the New Mexico desert, I don’t want to run into the wall at full speed.”

Mexico could not be reached for comment on the wall, but Mexican President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador was reportedly preparing an order to build bleachers capable of holding millions of Cubs fans on the Mexican side.