Amazon Now Offering Yesterday Shipping

Photo Credit - Alex Peters (IG: @Alexthinksthisisfunny)

By: Andrew Mason

CHICAGO, IL - As online retailers compete to shorten the wait time from purchase to porch, Amazon has taken a huge step as they have begun offering yesterday shipping, getting customers their packages before they’ve even ordered it.

“We know how it goes. After making online purchases depending on when you order, what you order, and your relationship with your mail carrier, you could wait anywhere from 24 hours to a month just to get your hands on that toothbrush or chicken you ordered," said Amazon Director of Shipping Jarf Barzbos. He continued, "By then your breath is going to stink and the chicken probably will too. We want to change that."

This function is made possible with the help of Amazon Alexa’s new feature, known as “ease-dropping.” With this feature, Alexa knows exactly what products you need and want before they do. Alexa is always listening. Alexa is analyzing and interpreting everything you say, in order to precisely pinpoint the exact product you will be looking for tomorrow. By the time you add it to your cart, it will already be on its way, thanks to Alexa.

While Walmart doesn’t have its own smart assistant like Alexa, they claim they will soon be incorporating a similar feature into a handful of its popular products. Spokesman Ronald Walmart said, "To keep ourselves in the game, some of our most frequently bought items will be equipped with tape recorders. Employees will then recover these tapes between the hours of midnight and 4 AM, listen to them, and determine which items to send.” Walmart then demonstrated the process by fastening a clunky and outdated cassette recorder to a raw egg using several rubber bands. Adding, “Innovation doesn’t always have to look pretty,” just before the egg broke under the weight of the recorder.

While prior-day shipping is likely to become the norm, sources have indicated that Amazon is already hard at work developing delivery services for as far back as two weeks in the past.

Amazon spokesman Joof Boozus stated, " We are very excited about these new innovations. The future of e-commerce truly is in the past."