Stoned JB Pritzker Vetoes Measure That Would Make Him Stop Wearing his Lollapalooza Outfit

By: Dylan Siegfried

CHICAGO, IL - JB Pritzker has signed a lot of paperwork since taking office but one thing he won't sign is the measure to make him stop wearing his bodacious Lolla outfit.

Originating in the state senate, a few conservative members introduced the bill after asking politely did not work. They claim the outfit is an eyesore and not the way they want Illinois represented.

"I am nothing if not culturally sensitive, and the culture of this weekend is clothes that you can see through, drinks that make you thirsty, and drugs that make you crazy. How can you understand the culture if you don't experience it?" Said JB, as he red stamped the document with enough force to rattle his office bong collection.

Other members of Illinois government have labeled the behavior a gross misuse of power for a really gross reason and held a meeting near the event. The topic of impeachment was brought up, but since Chainsmokers took the stage halfway through the discussion, it fell on deaf ears.

One state government official stood outside the festival to protest JB's attendance. "I'm ok with the ganja governor but this is too much. Mesh shirts do not belong in politics! The world just isn't ready."

JB was last seen emerging from a smoke filled porta potty near Buckingham fountain still wearing his mesh tank and going to join in the festivities. JB will be guest DJing at Lolla Sunday Morning at 3am on the Lake Shore stage.