Cubs Fan Not Accustomed To Having Heart Broken This Early In Season

By Daniel Stillman

CHICAGO, IL - Sitting in disbelief at home, Chicago Cubs fans are feeling heartbroken much earlier in the season than they were expecting. While past heartbreaks were due to blown leads in the 8th inning in the midst of a playoff race, this time the pain is caused by the postponement of Opening Day amid COVID-19. 

“I had it all planned. The Cubs were going to be in first place until about early September, and then the Milwaukee Brewers were going to have an insane winning streak led by Christain Yelich and we would blow it,” said Cubs fan Chris Jones. “I was ready to lose a ton of games to the freakin’ Cincinnati Reds, but now I’m just heartbroken that we don’t get to see that until god knows when! Am I going to cry watching them lose on Christmas Day when I’m opening up my 20th polo shirt gift?”

Jones and other Cubs fans aren’t sure what to do with their broken hearts in March. 

“I’m not supposed to be crying in March, I’m supposed to have an inappropriate amount of hope right now that this might be the year they barely win the World Series again,” said Jones. “I guess I’ll just spend the time figuring out if I have Marquee Sports Network.”

Chicago Cubs officials recommend fans close their eyes and think about Kris Bryant’s beautiful eyes to mend their broken hearts.