Dirty, Naughty Chicago Ranked 16th Most Polluted City in US

By Ang Stybetch

CHICAGO, IL - Uh-oh… according to the American Lung Association’s 2020 “State of the Air” report, it looks like Chicago has been very, very naughty. The big, dirty city was ranked the sixteenth most polluted in the nation, and a bad grade like that puts Chicago in deep trouble.

As stated in the report, the ozone layer has such a wide hole, and no one can stop the disobedient ozone from pouring through that hole, covering Chicago’s erect buildings with a filthy substance. Even a long, steamy shower could never clean up the soiled, mischievous city.

This kind of misbehavior can only be corrected with a bit of punishment: no fossil fuels, no pesticides, no factory exhaust. This smoggy slut needs to be grounded, and if the terms of this punishment are disobeyed, there will be serious repercussions.

Pollution is so, so wrong, but it seems like global warming will continue to make Chicago hot and bothered for years to come, slowly and sensually stripping down the ozone layer until Cook County just cannot take it anymore.