Rooftop Bars Still Asking Patrons to Cover Their Faces if They are Considered a 7 or Below

By Jeremy Drazner

CHICAGO, IL - With the mask mandate being lifted, Chicago bars and restaurants are struggling to establish their own policies in order to protect their patrons and staff. Adam Dudemeister, owner of an Instagramable rooftop bar, announced his bar’s new mask policy.

“Our system is quite simple. Our doorman has a chart that they can hold up to the patrons’ faces to determine where they land on the hotness scale. We are committed to our high standards for people that want to take 76 pictures in front of our ‘Rosé All Day’ sign,” said Smith, pouring half a bottle of vodka into a fish bowl. 

This new policy has caused quite a stir for local customers who consider themselves Chicago 8’s. With self-love being the new judging others, this policy has been difficult for some local patrons.

“Honestly, I was kind of surprised when they told me I didn’t have to wear my mask. I have been told by multiple Tinder dates that I am a 6 at best, but I guess my great personality boosted my rating,” said Sarah Bosa, whose Instagram handle is @MimosaBosa.

 After taking 27 pictures in front of a giant Connect 4 game, 17 pictures on a swing, and 43 pictures with a taco that she sent back right after finding the right light, she continued to talk about the policy, stating, “The pandemic was really hard on my account. I mean, I still ate at restaurants during it and made no real changes to my lifestyle, but I had to state that masks were taken off before the picture was taken so I wouldn’t get Covid, or worse, called out for putting other’s lives in danger.”

After 15 months of wearing sweatpants, many feel that this new policy is a true indicator that the world is healing one bottomless mimosa at a time.