Michael Jordan’s Tongue Removed From ‘The Last Dance’ Due to Coronavirus Concerns

By Daniel Stillman

CHICAGO, IL - Something will be missing from ESPN’s The Last Dance documentary and if you can’t put your finger (or tongue) on it, there’s a reason why. Due to coronavirus concerns, Michael Jordan’s famous behavior of sticking his tongue out while dribbling has been removed from all clips of him out of respect for coronavirus. 

“To comply with the CDC”s recommendation to wear facemasks and out of respect for everyone impacted by COVID-19, we have edited Michael Jordan’s tongue out of all old highlights shown during the documentary,” said Mark Jones, an ESPN spokesperson. “Looking back on it, someone should have told Michael to put his tongue back in his mouth for public safety’s sake, but people were afraid of him and were too big of fans of Space Jam to disrespect him in any way, which is a big subject of this documentary. Unless Michael was looking for ice cream to lick, it would make sense but we have not found any clips of Jordan eating ice cream while playing the Utah Jazz.” 

Unfortunately, some things don’t age well when it comes to old footage in documentaries and The Last Dance filmmakers didn’t realize they would have needed to change anything as part of the coronavirus pandemic. 

“The last thing we want to happen is for the 1990s Bulls to get canceled by cancel culture, even though COVID-19 didn’t exist in 1998, you never know these days,” said Jones. “We considered Photoshopping a mask on MJ in every clip to comply with CDC standards, but that would have been a little too far.”

The Last Dance documentarians want the biggest takeaway of the film to be that the Bulls were once good at basketball and of course, Michael Jordan was a bit of an asshole.