More Bad News After Grandal Injury: White Sox Reveal Tim Anderson Does Not Exist

By Hirsch Ptyc

CHICAGO, IL - With several key players on the White Sox roster suffering major injuries, dreams of the South Siders making a pennant run seem to be slipping away. And today's news is not going to help any, because White Sox GM Rick Hahn just revealed that the team's star shortstop Tim Anderson is fictional.

"I know this is going to be disappointing, but we have to come clean. The White Sox organization made up 'Tim Anderson' in 2015," said Hahn. "It was a very dark time for the fanbase and we weren't playing great baseball. We just wanted to give fans something to cheer for. We never expected it to go this far."

In a statement issued by the White Sox, team owner Jerry Reinsdorf detailed exactly how the 'Tim Anderson' story got out of hand. Initially intended to be a small side story for the 2016 season, Anderson proved to be such a hit with White Sox fans that the front office decided to continue inventing new stories for their fictional leadoff hitter over the course of the next six MLB seasons.

With Anderson rising from obscure prospect to face-of-the-franchise, however, Reinsdorf felt the need to shut down the ruse before things got unreasonable.

"When we had him win the batting title, I thought people were going to catch on for sure that it was fiction," said Hahn. "I mean, the story is that this effortlessly cool guy with no baseball experience inexplicably defies all analytical knowledge about the game to become one of the most beloved players in the league. I honestly don't understand how we got 6 years in before people started to get suspicious.

When reached for comment, White Sox Manager Tony La Russa said he was glad to hear Anderson was fictional, since he would probably just rip his leg off running to first base if he was real.