Monster Living in Child's Bedroom Closet Dies in House Fire

By: Will Brady

CHICAGO, IL – A suburban Chicago family is uninjured after their home was consumed by a fire Saturday night, though the investigating of investigators through the rubble revealed a startling surprise: the lifeless body of an unidentifiable mammalian creature amid the debris. The creature is believed to be the same entity that the family's son reported numerous times over the years.

"This is just so devastating in so many ways," says Angela Avery, the mother of the eyewitness. "When I realized our family had just lost everything, I didn't think it could get any worse. When we saw the beast, we felt so bad about doubting our son this whole time."

Mrs. Avery claims that her six-year-old son, Klayden, had reported seeing the monster for years. "We always jokingly asked him if it was the big blue furry monster from the movie," Avery says, "but when he always gave the same specific description of the thing, my husband and I just thought the little kid had a very strong imagination. Turns out we’re the assholes."

Klayden had described the beast as having green-brown fur, long and skinny limbs, a small bean-shaped torso, and a human nose and mouth at the end of a canine-like snout, among other notable features. This description closely matches that of the body found in the debris, which also measured seven feet, three inches long but only weighed approximately 100 pounds.

"It's amazing we've discovered this monster, but it would have been much better to discover it alive," says New Jersey-based cryptozoologist Stephan Iezzi. He continued, "We can learn plenty from its autopsy, but we could have learned more from observing it in nature."

"How did it hide so well from the parents?" Iezzi asks. "What did it eat? How did it poop without smelling? Did it eat and poop? Where are the specimens who reproduced to create it? Where did it come from? And if left to its own devices, where would it go?"

As for Klayden, the fire comes with a sense of peace. "He can't scare me anymore, and maybe now Mommy and Daddy will listen to me about the serpent demon in grandma’s potty.”