Manager Urges Cubs to Spice Things up a Bit By Trying New Positions

By Justin Steelewood

After several disappointing games, the Cubs are being urged to try new positions to combat growing boredom.

“After some time, things get stale on the ball field, and you need to change things up”, said Dr. Esther Merl, a specialist in male baseball performance. “In order to possibly win in the playoffs, you might need to keep things exciting.”

The cubs started their season, as most teams do, excited, and with positive team chemistry. However, as the season continues into the fall, they’ve struggled to keep up their stamina.

“Sure keeping the same positions may have worked in the past, and it does the job, but when things stop being fun, then trust goes, and when trust goes, it leads to the death of the team,” Dr. Merl. He continued, “When a team is no longer fulfilling a player’s needs, they might begin to look to play for other teams on the side. During business trips and such.”

Other ideas to improve performance included longer pregame rituals, and lacy uniforms. “It’s important to keep things lively. Try some tips from Baseballpolitan, spend some time massaging the bats, and maybe bring in another to join in the bullpen.”

A potential roster was leaked to The Machine with a mixed up lineup including Contreras pitching, Darvish playing outfield, and a member of the Chicago Dogs acting as a pinch hitter while Bote watches.

As a parting tip, they were reminded that when all else fails, to close their eyes and think of baseball.