Bulls Return to United Center to Find All-Stars Trashed the Place

By Wendell Jeff

CHICAGO, IL - Upon their return to the United Center Thursday night to face the Hornets, the Chicago Bulls Realized that the All Stars had completely wrecked their home court and locker room after their Sunday night festivities.

"It's bad enough they didn't even invite us to the party, but we come back to our home and find broken beer bottles, used condoms, and all of our championship trophies all over the court and locker room," said Lauri Markannen, stepping over a somehow still drunk Shaquille O'Neal napping on the free throw line. "Really? Has anybody even been looking for him?"

The garbage scattered across the 23,500 seat area indicated that the party did not stop the moment the final buzzer sounded in Sunday Night's game.

"We did our best to prepare the UC for the Bulls to return, but it took longer than expected to pick up all of the hot dogs that somebody shot out of a t-shirt cannon,” said head maintenance worker Todd Nocioni.

Despite the nearly inhabitable state of the the United Center, the game still proceeded as scheduled, with players often being forced to dribble and pass around the wreckage. The Bulls fell to the Hornets 103-93, but players complained that the widespread debris offset their usual strong home field advantage.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to post up when half the court is sticky?" asked Forward Wendell Carter Jr, as if that was the reason they lost.

The Bulls have said they hope to return Michael Jordan’s honorary banner to the rafters by next week, and have launched an investigation into how it was ripped down.