Chicago Bears Celebrate 1985, and 99 Other Years of Existence

By: Mitchell Trachtenberg

Tonight, when the Bears kickoff against the Packers, they will begin to officially celebrate 1985, and 99 other years that they have also existed.

“It’s such an honor coaching for a team with such a storied history. Back in 1920, George Halas founded this team, and 65 years later they fielded the greatest collection of football players to ever take the field together. That, along with 99 other seasons where some other pretty good things probably happened, is something to celebrate,” said an elated Matt Nagy.

Players and fans were just as excited as Coach Nagy to celebrate that legendary season, and 99 other ones.

“I been watchin every game from dis team since 1954, and lemme tell you. I seen some legends. Payton. Singletary. Da Fridge. Sweetness. Dent. Mongo. Hampton. Toast. Hell, da whole 85 team. Das history right dere,” said Todd Malinowski, who failed to remember a single other thing about the Bears over the past 65 years.

At press time, Hall of Famers Ed Healey, William Lyman, George Trafton, Paddy Driscoll, Dan Fortmann, Sid Luckman, George McAfee, Clyde “Bulldog” Turner, Joe Stydahar, Bill Hewitt, Bill George, George Connor, Doug Atkins, George Musso, and Stan Jones were all unavailable for comment.