Unclear Whether Kingston Mines Performer Scatting Or Choking On Maraschino Cherry

By Ang Stybetch

Though his Saturday night concert has since been regarded as the most memorable in Kingston Mines history, it remains unclear whether celebrated scat vocalist Sticky Jones was singing the solo of a lifetime or publicly choking on a maraschino cherry stem.

“SCAT-SKRIT-SKOO-DEH-CAH,” proclaimed Jones on stage as he set down his ungarnished old fashioned to show off a new dance move where he grasps his throat with both hands while sticking his tongue out at the crowd. It wasn’t long before fans swarmed the dance floor to join in on the fun.

While some audience members grew more concerned for Jones’ health as the show carried on, many others felt moved by the out-of-the-box, metaphor-filled performance.

“Sticky Jones is just so ahead of his time,” stressed nonconforming concertgoer River Chamberlin, noting that the musician’s blue discoloration was likely a product of the venue lighting. “His violent hacking and wheezy vocals symbolize society’s struggle to speak up about global issues that really matter… inspiring, right?”

In a dramatic finale to the 18-minute jazz piece, Jones collapsed to the ground without even extending an arm to break the fall. It is uncertain whether the scat artist passed out due to lack of oxygen, or if he was just overwhelmed by his own musical genius.

When asked about prospective dates for his highly anticipated encore, Jones continued to lie quietly immobile on the Kingston Mines floor for the third day in a row.