In Touching Tribute to Lincoln Towing, City Employees Tow 250 Cars

By Mitchell Trachtenberg

In a moving tribute to the legendary Lincoln Towing Company, city parking enforcement workers towed 250 cars on the overnight parking ban's first period of enforcement.

"We were once competitors for urban hatred, but tonight, Lincoln and the city stand united," said head of parking enforcement for the CPD Jerry Carlisle. "Ever since our brethren were shut down, it's been up to us to carry - er - tow the load around here.”

While the legendary feat was special to the workers of the late Lincoln Towing Company, it was also meaningful to the 250 drivers whose cars had disappeared overnight.

"When I woke up to find my car wasn't where I parked it last night, there was a a moment of bittersweet nostalgia. I met my wife in an unruly mob protesting those street hustlers. It was a sad feeling when I remembered that nothing gold can stay, and nothing so evil can last forever,” said Dan Tufts, a longtime resident of Edgewater.

He continued, shedding a tear, “That being said, it was nice gesture of the city of Chicago to honor them with this magnificent performance.”

At press time, drivers all over the city announced they will continue to ignore "NO PARKING" signs for the forseeable future.