7 Ways to Decorate your Apartment to Convince People You're From the City and Not the Suburbs
By Jeremy Drazner
Chicago, IL— As summer begins, many recent college graduates in Chicago are looking for ways to make it seem like they have spent their whole lives in the city, even though they grew up in Winnetka.
This guide will provide the best recommendations for how to decorate your three bedroom/one bath apartment to ensure everyone knows you’re actually from the city.
1. Hang a gigantic Chicago flag in your living room
This is an absolute must for anyone living in Chicago. Nothing says Chicago like those four red stars in-between those beautiful blue stripes, especially if they cover your entire ceiling. If you don’t hang the flag in your living room, people may think you love Highland Park instead.
2. Stolen CTA map
No one will know the hundreds of dollars you spend on Uber rides if you hang up a CTA map that you stole on the Red Line after you blacked out in Wrigleyville. A stolen CTA sign is both educational and decorative. As an added bonus, you’ll soon have the red, purple, and brown line memorized in no time since those are the only lines you’ll probably ride.
3. A framed photo of Mike Ditka
Were your parents married when Mike Ditka was the coach of the Bears? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a framed picture of him in your home as if he is Jesus or JFK. We recommend a picture of him in his Bears sweater or being carried off by the team, and that you not look up any political statements he has ever made.
4. Navy Pier magnet for your fridge
Remember when you went to Navy Pier on a class trip in the 6th grade to see a Shakespeare show and your parents gave you money for a souvenir? Go dig into your junk drawer and find that magnet that you bought and bring that to your new apartment. This is a great way to remind everyone that you live in Chicago when they open your mostly empty fridge besides a few expired condiments. Plus, native Chicagoans love Navy Pier!
5. An empty bottle of Malört
During the super cool parties that you’ll host, it’ll be mandatory to have a bottle of Malört, and reply, “What! You’ve never tried this?” when people don’t know what it is. Then tell them it tastes like water, pour them a shot, and watch what happens next. At the end, you can tell them that they are also now a Chicagoan, just like you!
6. The Vienna Beef Chicago Hot Dog poster
Remember the first time you ate a hot dog in a steamed poppyseed bun with mustard, sweet neon green relish, onion, tomato, pickle, sport peppers, and celery salt? Probably not because no one actually eats a Chicago Dog since a bun has not been made big enough to hold all of the ingredients without it completely falling apart after your first bite. Regardless, if you want people to know you mean business, this poster should be hung up.
7. A pyramid of Old Style cans
By having an ever-growing beer can pyramid in your house you can show everyone that you drink real Chicago beer, while also saving the environment by recycling the cans! The best way to accomplish this is to build from the top and glue the cans together with rubber glue as you finish your cold ones. It’ll smell terribly, but you can just tell people that’s just the classic city smell, and that they’ll get used to it.
Living in the city can be complicated, but by following these guidelines you can convince everyone that you really are from Chicago.