Increasingly Feverish Earth Concerned It Might Have COVID

By Mitchell Trachtenberg

Photo Credit: Aaron McDavis

SOLAR SYSTEM - With a steadily increasing temperature and a severe oxygen deficiency, local planet Earth now fears that it may have contracted COVID-19.

“I just haven’t felt right lately. Usually I have no trouble motivating myself to conduct my daily rotation, but these past few decades all I want to do is jump into an icy gas giant or something just to cool off,” the third planet from the sun told sources.

Earth said it first noticed symptoms around the start of the 1890s, which have recently become much worse.

“I’m pretty worried to be honest. Fever is a telltale sign of COVID, and if my average temperature rises even 1°C, things could spiral quickly.”

Other planets fear for Earth’s well-being, as well as their own.

“This is scary, man. How are we supposed to quarantine if we’re both stuck in the same elliptical orbit?!” said close neighbor Mars.

At press time, Earth was experiencing widespread tidal waves after its moon attempted to socially distance.