Chicago Dog Reports the End of the World

By Patrick Reilly

CHICAGO, IL - Giving a press conference while cowering behind the couch, local Golden Retriever Potato Chip Jackson announced that the world was clearly coming to an end this Saturday during the Chicago Air and Water Show.

“It has become clear, to myself and the greater Chicago Canine Community,” Potato Chip Jackson reported, quivering with anxiety, “that the past several days of booming explosions and sustained loud noises indicate nothing less than the Biblical Apocalypse, come to claim us all.”

Supported by her stuffed chipmunk named Ruffles, she reported that the sustained loud noises were the clearest sign of the end times since the Night of Bright Lights and Kabooms, early this past July. Acknowledging she had worked tirelessly to defend the apartment from mailmen, squirrels, and passing clouds, Jackson expressed dismay that no amount of barking seemed to have an effect on the very loud metal hell birds that seem to be causing this destruction.

“The time for thundershirts has passed, the sky booms are upon us,” Potato Chip concluded. “Lick your loved ones’ faces, and make peace with your God. There may be no treats tomorrow."

Johnny Beans, the apartment’s cat, declined to comment.