Iran Shuts Down Nuclear Program After Watching Blue Angels do Backflip

By Mitchell Trachtenberg

TEHRAN - Tuning into video of the Air and Water Show from his home in Tehran, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei announced that he would be ordering the end of Iran’s nuclear program, effective immediately.

“Iran has taken great pride in the progress we’ve made in our research of nuclear energy, but after watching the acrobatic capabilities of the US Air Force, we have decided that it would be in our country’s best interest to put our work on hold,” the Supreme Leader of Iran said in a statement.

As he spoke on Iranian state television, he appeared shaken as he recounted the dazzling array of loops, corkscrews, and barrel rolls that the Blue Angels executed. "Did you see their burst formation? We cannot stand against this power."

The US Defense Department was delighted to hear the news. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin said, “The purpose of the Air and Water show has always been to demonstrate the Air Force's superior loop-de-loop technology, so that no nation would want to raise arms against us. We wholeheartedly support Iran’s decision, and see this as a bold step towards peace.”

However, after being less than impressed with the performance of the water portion of the program, Khamenei instead diverted all resources to blocking the Strait of Hormuz, thus triggering a global economic and political catastrophe.

US Secretary of the Navy Carlos del Toro responded, "We need to work on our boat-flips."