Resistbot Still Texting Area Woman

By Tommy Spears (IG - tommyspearscomedy, Twitter - @TommyTheSpears)

7:30 p.m. Resistbot here! Do I still sound like I’m overreacting now, Carolyn?

8:32 p.m. - Hi, it’s Resistbot. Remember in May how I asked if you would phonebank in Georgia? And you said you were “somewhat interested?” You followed through on that, right?

9:07 p.m. - Remember, you can always contact Resistbot and I will help you reach your representatives. You could do that at any time. Any time, Carolyn.

11:35 p.m. - Hi again Carolyn, it’s Resistbot. News anchors had to interrupt the sitting president as he fraudulently declared victory. And people just treated that as normal. Text ‘WHY GOD’ and we can figure out how we got here together!

1:19 a.m. - I mean the popular vote doesn’t even mean anything, Carolyn! It never has. The electoral college was designed as a failsafe for the ultra-rich to pick the president. That means this nightmare is how things are SUPPOSED to work. Oh, it’s Resistbot, by the way.

4:30 a.m. - Resistbot here! Literally Carolyn, I’m right outside of your house. Look, I really don’t want to be alone right now. Could you just open the door? Text Y/N.

5:56 a.m. - Hey, it’s Resistbot. Do you know the last time Nevada mattered? That’s who’s picking your president. I’m a hyper-intelligent robot who organizes protests and acts of civil disobedience against a fascist regime, and your president is going to be picked by desert people. I've calculated that 12.7% of them have, in the past 2 years, blown their savings at the casino then told their families that the money was stolen by aliens. Am I a joke? Is that what people think of me, Carolyn? HOW IS THIS RACE THIS CLOSE?

7:29 a.m. Resistbot here! You know, a record number of liberals are buying guns--any interest? Text Y/N