Field Museum Dismantles Sue the T-Rex after Violent Past Comes to Light

By Mitchell Trachtenberg

CHICAGO, IL - The Field Museum announced that they will be acting on calls to remove Sue the T-Rex, following new revelations that during her lifetime, the dinosaur wreaked havoc on the earth as a terrifying, carnivorous beast.

“In this climate, it just doesn’t make sense for us to continue honoring such a violent creature. Who knows how many innocent Edmontosauruses, Anatosaureses, and Triceratops, could have lost their lives at Sue’s diminutive hands?” said Museum Director, Amy Wilson.

According to Wilson, Sue was initially erected in order to honor our mammalian ancestors’ reptilian ancestors, and this decision to dismantle her has caused an uproar in some communities.

“They’re erasing our pre-history!” said Faith, South Dakota Mayor Glen Haines. “Sue was found just 15 miles away from our city, and I’ll be damned if the Field Museum is going to take her down. They’re just erasing 2 million years of history from the Cretaceous period!

At press time, pharmaceutical giant Merck terminated its deal with Sue to promote their new osteoporosis medication, Fosamax.