Mayor Lightfoot Creates $733 Million GoFundMe to Balance City Budget

By Aaron McDavis

CHICAGO, IL - In a public update on Wednesday, August 11, Mayor Lightfoot announced that the city of Chicago would work to solve the $733 million deficit for the 2022 fiscal budget by setting up a fundraising page on the popular crowdfunding website, GoFundMe.

“We’ve made a lot of progress coming from last year’s shortfall of $1.2 billion,” said Lightfoot. “It wasn’t easy, but thanks to brilliant moves like our bogus speed fines, and setting criminally high taxes on weed, booze and Netflix, we got those numbers down. Still, there’s a long way to go before this city is financially in the clear, which is why as mayor of Chicago, I am now asking you to help #fundmycity.”

With a money goal of $733 million, Mayor Lightfoot hopes the fundraiser will be a significant aid in easing the financial woes heading into the new year.

“Believe me, I wouldn’t be asking you to do this if the situation wasn’t dire. I mean, do you know how expensive it is to run a major city? We did nearly everything we could think of to fix the budget: give blood, max out credit cards, ask our parents for money. Some of them we had to slap with a fine after telling us ‘no.’ I mean, it got so bad that, for a moment, we even considered defunding the police! Crazy, right!?”

While acknowledging the huge gamble in her crowdfunding strategy, Mayor Lightfoot still expressed confidence in its success. “I have absolute faith there will be plenty of charitable people out there who are willing to help us reach our goal out of the goodness of their hearts.” At press time, The mayor was seen at City Hall proposing a “Goodness of Heart Tax” to the council.