Local Lord Complains No One Wants to Serf Anymore
Photo Credit: Aaron McDavis
By Patrick Reilly
CHICAGO, IL - In a scene that is increasingly playing out all over the country, the castle of Viscount Guy Entrain is now adorned with a sign lamenting the poor work ethic of today’s indentured serfs. “To our loyal subjects,” reads the sheet of white printer paper taped askew to the mighty oaken gate of the Viscount’s Streeterville palace, “We beg your patience with the peasantry who actually showed up for work. No one wants to toil on someone else’s plot of land while being unable to leave any more.”
Due to the COVID-19 plague, many fiefdoms were forced to furlough their villeins, or even execute them en masse. However, some are now struggling to find enough workers bound to the land to reopen the feudal economy.
Lord Entrain, who is a part owner of Ann Sathers along with Alderman Tom Tunney, cites the extended unemployment benefits from the state legislature for the attitude of entitlement among his peons. “They have simply become lazy and entitled,” said the Viscount as he lounged on a golden chaise being fed grapes and cinnamon buns. “We are a family, my vassals and I, so it hurts to see so many who would rather stay home collecting unemployment than return to the fields they are ancestrally bound to so that I may derive income from the spoils of their productivity.” The Viscount has considered offering signing bonuses of an extra pig each year to attract more drudges to his fields, as well as the option of an unpaid day off on Michaelmas or Shrovetide.
Many menials have used the pandemic to rethink the relationship between lord and peasant. “They called us essential workers, and then didn’t give us any support or protection during the plague,” said bondsman and activist Robert son of William. “Many liegemen are looking at the wages being offered and realizing that we don’t need to risk our health and safety for such low rewards as offered in My Lord’s fields.”
Still others have opted to 'Serf from home', vowing to never return to communal fields of wheat and spelt, instead tending aloe and jade in their own hovels.