Blue Angels to Airdrop Dog Treats for Peacekeeping Mission with Canine Community

By: Stuart Allard

Photo by Alex Peters

In an effort to appease Chicago’s dog populace, the famed Blue Angels will airdrop Milk-Bone training cookies onto city streets during this weekend’s Air and Water Show.

At two-hour intervals, all of the fighter aircraft participating in this year’s show will drop the treats onto North Avenue Beach. The U.S. Army Parachute Team Golden Knights will also assist in throwing treats in exchange for a demonstration of a trick, like rolling over or playing dead.

This is all courtesy of the show’s newest, and most unlikely, corporate partner.

“This is an example of perfect corporate synergy,” said Bailey Chopper, a public relations representative for Big Heart Pet Brands. “Based on market research, we found that human interest in the Air and Water Show had a direct adverse effect on how dogs reacted. The arrows were in totally opposite directions.”

The organizers of the Chicago Air and Water Show weighed several options to get the dog population to come around. Retrofitting giant dog whistles on bomber jets was a complete disaster, and duct taping squeaky toys to the boats had no effect at all. The trial and error had grown hopeless until Big Heart stepped in.

A representative from Chicago’s dog populace was not available to comment, even though he was asked multiple times to speak.

“We had planned to airdrop some Gnaw Bones,” Chopper said, referring to Milk-Bone’s second-best selling product. “But they’re too dense. They would crack the sidewalk.”

Added Chopper, “We just wanted to remind all of Chicago’s dogs that they’re good boys and good girls. Besides, Thundershirts are super expensive.”

In addition, the Blue Angels will appease Chicago’s cat population by just leaving them alone.