Uncle Who Railed Against Tide Pods In Hospital For Drinking Horse Medicine
Photo Credit: Aaron McDavis
By Patrick Reilly
DEKALB, IL - Local uncle Bernard Peters took a break this week from posting outdated Tide Pod memes on Facebook to announce he had been hospitalized after ingesting a horse de-wormer. Peters, a prolific member of the Minions Meme group, was admitted to Kishwaukee Hospital Tuesday morning after attempting to treat a presumed case of Covid-19 by squeezing a tube of Durvet Sour Apple Flavored Ivermectin Paste, an anti-parasite medication for horses, directly into his mouth.
“I was in the middle of posting a joke about how millennials love to eat Tide Pods,” reported Peters, referencing a debunked news story from 2018, “when I started to feel a little flu-ish. I know those entitled millennials run to the hospital if they get a case of sniffles, but I’ve done enough research on the ‘Biden Bug’ to know better than that.”
Peters reported that he did not seek out a rapid Covid test because “that’s how they get you”. He asked his 30-year-old son, Ed, to drive him to the local Blain’s Farm and Fleet, telling him, “if you can put down the candy-colored detergent long enough.” Peters purchased the horse medication - that has not been recommended by any medical professionals to cure Covid-19 - from area veterinarian Ol’ Mitch. Mitch reportedly indicated that the medicine was not recommended for human use, while winking repeatedly.
Shortly after consuming the horse paste, Peters was rushed to the emergency room for a stomach pump.
“Dad’s usually so careful about what he puts in his body,” reported Ed Peters. “He’s always going on about not eating Tide laundry soap, or avocado toast, or unicorn lattes. Of course, we did have to rush him to the ER earlier last year when he drank a quart of bleach, but that was because the president told him to.”
Peters is expected to make a full recovery. He is planning a series of posts about his ordeal, followed by some topical humor on the subject of fidget spinners.