Oklatucky, The Caribbean, and the 29 Other States on Chicago’s Travel Order

By Nick Marino

CHICAGO, IL - Chicago has recently updated its emergency travel order to include 31 U.S. states, now requiring 10-day quarantine or negative COVID-19 test before arrival. The following states are now travel-restricted:

1.       Delaware

2.       New York

3.      Alaska, but not for Covid reasons. They know what they did.

4.     The Cavernous City-State of Zion

5.     Texas (Except people from Austin, they’re cool)

6.     Anyone from a state of Happiness. Seems suspicious right now.

7.     Alabama

8.     West Carolina

9.     The Fresno State Bulldogs

10.   State of Liquid

11.   Oribama

12.   The Shire

13.   Colorado

14.   Puerto Rico (US territory, so close enough)

15.   Whichever one “IA” stands for.

16.   The Caribbean  (Same as Puerto Rico)

17.   Washington

18.   A State of Emergency

19.   Delaware (again)

20.   Loompaland

21.   New Hampshire (That means you, George)

22.   “Shithole States”

23.   Virginia

24.   Castle in the Sky

25.   Oklatucky

26.   Vermont (Only the bad parts)

27.   Soviet Union (just in case)

28.   Illinois

29.   Bikini Bottom

30.   Limbo

31.   Florida, definitely Florida