Confused Outdoor Diners Accidentally Eat at Homeless Camp

By Patrick Reilly

CHICAGO, IL - Coming into town for their anniversary dinner, Naperville couple Jonathan and Deidre McGillicuddy reportedly mistook the homeless encampment under I-90 for an outdoor dining venue.

“The wife and I have been coming into Chicago for our anniversary dinner for years,” said Mr. McGillicuddy, pulling down his mask to speak to this reporter. “We thought, why not continue the tradition! They've set up these tents for us, surely we should take advantage."

The City of Chicago has issued guidelines for socially distant dining to combat the increasing Covid-19 infection rates in the city, including increased distance between tables, and limiting indoor seating. Influenced by stories of outdoor igloos and ventilated tents, the McGillicuddys approached the homeless camp under the freeway for the dinner rush Tuesday night.

“After waiting twenty minutes to be seated we thought it was odd that Fogo de Chao had such bad service, but then we just sat ourselves in one of the charming little tents and were quickly approached by a waiter,” Mr. McGillicuddy remarked, referring to the unhoused owner of the tent.

When interviewed about his side of the story, the tent owner, Ron, stated, "So I'm getting back to my tent, about to have dinner, to find these two folks dressed to the 9's sitting on my good sleeping bag! I asked them what the hell they were doing there, and they asked me where the top-sirloin guy was! I told them to get the hell outta here, and put some damn masks on, there's a pandemic happening."

The couple noted that they stayed long enough to order a tin cup of stew from Ron, but made sure to complain about the lack of comfort in the tiny, uninsulated tent which Ron has called home for the last three years.

As the night temperatures dropped below freezing, Jonathan and Deidre cut their dinner short and returned home. “It’s disgraceful that the city allows people to be treated that way,” Deidre said. “I know we are in the middle of a pandemic, but it’s only going to get colder. If the mayor doesn’t do something about this crisis, people might stop eating out at restaurants altogether.”

Reached for comment, the Mayor’s office promised to investigate quickly, and bulldoze the offending homeless camps to prevent this kind of confusion in the future.