Buona Beef and Rainbow Cone Unsure Why Sales Slow on Their “Hot Wet Creamy Rainbow Beef Combo”
By James Macapagal
Photo by Joel Sacramento
CHICAGO, IL - In a blow to "Things Chicagoans Never Asked For," the unholy marriage of ice cream and Italian beef has failed to produce the uptick in sales for either Rainbow Cone or Buona Beef.
The partnership between the beloved Southside Institution and the 11th best Chicagoland Italian beef chain centered around offering unholy combinations to Chicagoans who never asked for them.
"Yeaah, we's was lookin' to increase saaales in 'da turd quarter by trowing a big, creamy, rainbow colored ice cream thing into my- i mean, our- hot, wet, sweet, Italian beef samwiches, but y'know 'dats 'da way it is" said Buona Beef CEO Joe Buonavolanto Jr.
"We knew was a bad idea from the start. But when Buonavolanto proposed it to us, I happened to have a mouth full of Italian beef. Somehow my emphatic mid-chew ‘no’ was perceived as a ‘yes’, and he ran out before we could say anything," shrugged Rainbow Cone CEO, Lyn Sapp, which is their actual name. “At that point, we just figured we’d give it a shot, who knows what Chicagoans would eat.”
"Maybe next time we'll start smaller, like a Rainbow Sausage," said Mr. Buonavolanto Jr.